


Mourning

by underthepink



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events (TV)
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Alternate Universe, F/F, Heartbreak, Post-Break Up, esme has feelings!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 02:41:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14728419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/underthepink/pseuds/underthepink
Summary: Esmé Squalor does not cry. She came close to it, that morning.





	Mourning

**Author's Note:**

> dedicated to the Esmé to my Jerome, Rasha (@aqueousqualor on twitter, ERJasandrea13 on here).

“I’m sorry,” the words had been soft, gentle. As if the words before hadn’t been angry, laced with venom. Esmé wonders if it would’ve been easier, if Olivia hadn’t apologized. They had argued for so long, neither of them could remember what started it, but they knew the words that had been exchanged had been too harsh to take back, then move on from. So, instead of saying more, Olivia leaves. She doesn’t tell Esmé where she’s going, because the blonde is smart enough that she’ll figure it out if she wants to. 

 

Esmé hates herself for the first time that night. 

Olivia’s words replay in her head. Esmé thinks that was the first time she’d heard her girlfriend—sorry, ex-girlfriend—sound so  _aggressive_. She’s certain that in any other situation, she would’ve found it hot, but it  _hurt_ worse than anything Esmé's ever experienced. 

The next morning, Esmé finds herself reaching for Olivia’s hand on the opposite side of the bed. All she feels is satin.

Esmé Squalor does not cry. 

She came close to it, that morning. 

She feels like she’s forgotten how to function on her own, when she forgets to bring towels with her when she showers because Olivia would always do that for her when she’d come into the bathroom to ask what she wanted for breakfast. Esmé has to will herself not to cry when she steps out of the shower and doesn’t find a note written on the mirror in steam. The first time Olivia had done it, Esmé had called it stupid and rolled her eyes when Olivia pouted. She never told Olivia how much she enjoyed the feeling, knowing someone enjoyed leaving things like that for Esmé.

Esmé never makes it to the kitchen to make breakfast, because too much of Olivia was hung on the walls in the halls that lead there. She wonders how one woman could turn her into such a mess. Esmé knows she’s going to have to eat eventually, but she just can’t get herself to look at the photographs of her and her  _ex-_ girlfriend that adorn the halls, and the walls of nearly every room of the house.  

Esmé thinks this is what all of her teenage friends had been talking about, when they’d go on and on about how their ex-boyfriends broke up with them. She remembers one girl, whose name she can’t recall, talking of the pain that had followed. None of the words that girl had used seemed to describe how Esmé felt. 

She remembers the word heartbreak being thrown around so often, but she never thought she would be able to relate, because she’s  _Esmé fucking Squalor_ , she does not get broken up with. Esmé was always the one doing it, always the one to crush someone’s heart as if it was an insect under her heel. Until now. 

Until a school librarian decided it was time to teach Esmé what heartbreak really was.

Esmé can’t remember the word  _mourning_ being used by any of the girls, but she thinks it fits more than anything. Yes, that works. She can tell Georgina she can’t make it to their dinner plans because she’s in mourning. She only fears Georgina will ask who, that she’ll push when Esmé tells her it’s nothing to worry about, that she didn’t know the person, because Esmé doesn’t think  _a relationship_ would be an appropriate answer.

**Author's Note:**

> it's been so long since i've written anything, so i'm very sorry for the horrible ending.
> 
> i hope this wasn't too out of character, i'm still getting a feel of these characters.
> 
> feel free to hit me up on tumblr, @thechihilas, or twitter, @arctichearts, if you wanna talk about this or just scream about squaliban.


End file.
